that little piece of my heart

By Glendy X. Mattalia

He's married.

For some reason it just feels weird when someone you thought you were going to marry, marries someone else. EVEN IF, it's what you wanted too!

And suddenly, out of nowhere! You get a sudden sadness that you can't really explain? Like they kept a little piece of your heart or something.

It makes me wonder though...is it like, when you love someone a part of your heart kind of always loves them? Even long after it makes any sense to? Or misses them, long after you think you would be over missing someone?

I mean, my father died over 10 years ago and sometimes for no reason at all. BOOM!

I'm crying and I'm sad like he died yesterday. Kind of like the sudden sadness I feel right now. Sad over a lost dream that I knew wasn't right for me anyway. Even though, just 30 minutes ago I was walking on air and planning my bright shining future, which gets shinier and brighter every single day by the by.

Screw that. I'm getting them back. Whatever little pieces of my heart I gave away that make me suddenly sad.

Of course, there is always the flip side.

Those same little pieces, are the same ones that make me suddenly happy when I remember things like the night my friend and I got really drunk and she made up the saying, "Bonk, piss."

And there it is! Sudden inexplicable joy! Over a single moment in time more than 20 years ago.

Oh well. To all the hearts I've loved before. Keep the little pieces you took. After all...

I've got LOTS left over.